Posted on 2012.10.15 at 23:14
i keep trying to re-capture how i felt about stephen before i met him, when he was just the guy on all songs that i agreed with and laughed at, whose essays i thought were always a little self-important but ultimately loveable. but why would i do that? i can't be there again. i know him. he's a real person. there's no un-knowing.
i'm teaching myself to quit missing. the keys are: love what was, love what is, love what's to come. feel like the owner of all the treasure in the world. but don't miss the stuff that's behind. just love that it ever was.
shoot, at this rate i might make it to the end of my life and not be paralyzed with fear by the idea of life ending. WOULDN'T THAT BE THE DAY.
Posted on 2012.09.17 at 16:16
loving someone famous is fucking with my head. it's a good thing i never actually got together with justin timberlake, you know, because that would be some NEXT-LEVEL head-fucking. hoo buddy.
Posted on 2012.07.18 at 16:17
Whoa, ok, hang on. It seems, reading over these last entries, that I have been nothing but emo in the course of being in love. GEEZ. I was sad in Texas, and that is the truth. I am out of Texas, I have loved being in this new kind of love, I was just in Washington, D.C. visiting the object of that love, I had ALL THE FUN. I am not sad. I am always, always in love. And this one in particular has been a doozy. So let's just get that straight. I am having a GOOD. ASS. TIME.
Posted on 2012.05.22 at 22:32
katie? in over her head? NEVER. desperate not for anyone to be mad at her? INCONCEIVABLE! a proud creature who bares teeth when confronted with authoritarian bossiness that impinges on her steez? yep, ok, fine, that one is totally true.
Posted on 2012.05.08 at 17:11
i want to get a big box in the mail, i want to get on a plane and land in somebody's waiting arms, i want to be more sure, i want to have fun, i want to laugh, i want to feel safe, i want to feel better.
Posted on 2012.03.31 at 11:07
the way these things always go is that i come to a point where i say, "slow down, darling girl. pull in the reigns, sweep the floors, gather in what you've set down."
eventually i always come to a point where i'm afraid to give any more.
and then i change my mind. but in the meantime, i'm quiet and waiting.
Posted on 2012.02.22 at 16:36
i've got to stop living in cities one of these days.
Posted on 2012.02.10 at 19:19
i need to get my fucking act together. stop watching other people do their lives on facebook. i need to stop being lazy. it's sincerely worrying how little i get done on a day to day basis that means anything at all to me.
wow, i only got two sentences into this before i heard it in my head and realized how stupid it sounds. SUCH PROGRESS! almost an adult, or some shit.
so ok. less time on the internet, more work getting done. harder when i'm sitting at my mom's house with none of my art supplies around, but not impossible. ie to say, I COULD BE WRITING A BOOK. god dammit, kathryn. get. it. TOGETHER. or you deserve all the angst you're having.
Posted on 2011.12.07 at 11:08
a housecat froze to death outside my window last night. i went out to look at it, and it's completely stiff. i gasped when i touched it. (with a bag around my hand, if you're keeping track.) it feels like a furry brick. its front paws are sprawled out, spread-eagle, in front of it, and it's lying on its stomach. according to the city, it only gets picked up by the dead animal people if i bring it to the curb, and it can take up to 2 days. it looks wild, even dead. it looks imposing and mean. but it's a tabby, short-haired, not mangy. it lived somewhere. it's unbelievable how heavy it is.
Posted on 2011.11.09 at 12:21
i am torn exactly in half about wanting to live in cool cities and wanting to live in a house in the woods or the fields. EXACTLY. this is perhaps the major crux of why my life is not more settled than it is. look at that last entry: places i want to go. EXACTLY IN HALF between wild places and cities. this shit needs to get figured out or i will never sit still. and running around is getting tiring.